Growth and Remembrance: What to Expect Your Third Year of Grief

Does grief get smaller over time, or do we instead we grow larger around it?

Two years after trauma of the death we typically move into a period of healing and self-correction.  The third year after a death is a time of re-calibrating and rebuilding your body, heart, and brain. 

We have previously presented information about grieving and what may be expected during the second year of grief. In this podcast we discuss the third year of grieving the death of a loved one. We bring back Claire Luckey, who has been sharing her journey as a millennial widow who lost her husband to brain cancer 3-1/2 years ago.  Claire talks about the growth she has experienced alongside the fading but recurring pain with remembrances of her husband.

Note that what happens in each year after a death is very individual experience; what we discuss is what may be typically experienced while acknowledging it may not be your experience. 

In this Episode:

Transcript

• 01:54 – How Was Your Thanksgiving?
• 05:24 – Recipe – Oklahoma Onion Burger
• 05:56 – Andrew Garfield and Elmo Explain Grief on Sesame Street
• 08:16 – What to Expect the Third Year of Grief
• 13:55 – Claire Luckey – Growth in the Third Year
• 55:25 – Outro

Does Grief Ever Go Away?

We talk about how people may expect grief to fade over time, creating a lot of pressure to “heal.” But the truth is, while the grief will always be a part of us, we learn to fill our lives with things that make it less and less consuming.

Sometimes the growth through the grief leads people onto a trail to help others who are working through their own loss. This can help create meaning and purpose in the loss along with a sense of connection.

Our guest Claire Luckey joins us again to share her journey after the death of her husband, now 3-1/2 years ago. Claire explained how the grief is less pronounced but still present, especially with remembrances. She talked about how she crafts an exit strategy for potentially-triggering social events, is embracing opportunities to share her story and help others through their loss, and the the challenges and joys of working on a graduate degree as a marker of her resilience.

Growth through Tragedy: About Our Guest, Claire Luckey

Claire Luckey, who goes under the name “Grieving Bitch” on Instagram is joining us again for an interview.  At age 32 and only 5 months into her marriage, her husband did not recognize her when she arrived home from work one day. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 glioblastoma (brain cancer) in February 2020, and Claire was his caregiver until his death in June of 2021.

Claire struggled to find any resources for dealing with loss of a spouse at such a young age. She channeled her sense of humor (and inner bitch) by creating the “Grieving Bitch” account on Instagram.  Claire shared her grief journey and life challenges as a millennial widow living in New York City with Everyone Dies in several segments.

Andrew Garfield and Elmo Explain Grief

Andrew Garfield normalizes the grief we feel as he opens up about the loss of his Mum. He touchingly said, “Sadness is kind of a gift. It’s a lovely thing to feel, in a way, because it means you really love somebody when you miss them … it makes me feel close to her when I miss her.” Watch the full video below.

Related Content:

• S3E20: Riding the Wave: Navigating the Second Year of Grief
• All Grief Content
  • Go to the top of our page, Topics, then the Grief drop-down. There are also several grief sub-topics

Recipe of the Week:

This Depression-era invention from El Reno Oklahoma was a smashburger before smashburgers were cool. The loads of onions caramelize on the griddle beside the sizzled ground beef and steamed bun. If you have a blackstone begging for ideas, here’s your next meal! Head to Southern Living learn about the background of the Oklahoma Onion Burger and how to prepare it

References:

• ‘I miss her a lot’: Andrew Garfield telling Elmo about grief was his best work yet | Movies | The Guardian
• Wilcox, S., Evenson, K., Aragaki, A., Wassertheil-Smoller, S., Mouton, C., & Loevinger, B. (2003). The Effects of Widowhood on Physical and Mental Health, Health Behaviors, and Health Outcomes: The Women’s Health Initiative. Health psychology : official journal of the Division of Health Psychology, American Psychological Association, 22, 513-522. https://doi.org/10.1037/0278-6133.22.5.513
• Widows show third-year rebound. (2003, September 20). The Free Library. (2003). Retrieved November 12, 2024 from https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Widows show third-year rebound.-a0108551918

Resources:

• Andrew Garfield and Elmo Explain Grief | Sesame Workshop
• Jars of grief : r/im40andthisisdeep
• Grief: 3 Years Later. Dealing with the Loss of my Husband

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