Saul Bellow wrote, “Losing a parent is something like driving through a plate-glass window. You didn’t know it was there until it shattered, and then for years to come you’re picking up the pieces.” In honor of Father’s day, we offer some thoughts about parental relationships that you may find helpful as you pick up your own pieces of glass, and maybe a few splinters.
In this Episode:
- 02:54 – Road Trip: Virginia and Pimento Cheese Recipe
- 04:21 – Patrick Henry’s Famous Speech to the Second Virginia Convention
- 06:52 – Essay by David Sedaris on the Death of His Father, “Orphaned at Last”
- 18:08 – Leo Tolstoy – The Old Grandfather and the Grandson
- 19:42 – Outro
David Sedaris on the death of his father: ‘I don’t think the coffin could have been any uglier’
David Sedaris shared his experiences with the death of his 98-year old “petty and arrogant” father. He wrote for many years about their strained relationship with “64 years of constant criticism and belittlement.”
He quoted Saul Bellow: “Losing a parent is something like driving through a plate-glass window. You didn’t know it was there until it shattered, and then for years to come you’re picking up the pieces.”
David went on to say:
“I felt like I’d collected all the big, easy-to-reach, obvious ones. The splinters, though, will definitely take a while – the rest of my life, perhaps. I could feel them beneath my skin as I paused with my sisters, orphaned at last.”
Related Episodes:
- S4E11: When Your Father Dies
- S5E01: How to Cope When a Complicated Parent Dies
- S4E38: Singer/Songwriter Mike Ward on the Death of His Father
- S1E33: Adult Orphan
S4E36: Honoring His Father Through Song
Mike Ward is a Detroit-based singer and songwriter who writes about coming to terms with aging, loss, and death. His most recent album, The Darkness, and the Light was released on 1/26/21. This week Mike and Marianne talked about a song he wrote for his father called “Wrestling with Ghosts.” His father was relatively healthy until his death at age 95, but not without much loss and grief.
Listen to the full song below:
References:
- David Sedaris on the death of his father: ‘I don’t think the coffin could have been any uglier’ | David Sedaris | The Guardian
- The Good Life: Where Morality and Spirituality Converge – Richard M. Gula – Google Books
- Patrick Henry’s Liberty or Death Speech — Historic St. John’s Church, 1741
- 51 Fun Facts about Virginia (that most people don’t know!)
- 22 Fun Virginia Facts You’ll Love | FactRetriever.com
- 11 Famous Foods in Virginia – La Vida Nomad
- Saul Bellow / letter to Martin Amis / March 13, 1996 | Quotenik
Resources:
- “Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death!” – Colonial Williamsburg
- Happy-Go-Lucky – A Book by David Sedaris
- The Psychological Effects of a Father’s Death on Daughters | eHow UK
- The Loss Of A Parent Changes Children Of All Ages Forever (fatherly.com)
- How Does Death of a Father Affect a Daughter? – Heart Eyes Magazine
- 9 Ways to Help Children Cope with a Father’s Death – Focus on the Family
- When Your Father Dies: How a Man Deals with the Loss of His Father (Veerman & Comfort, 1990). Available here: https://a.co/d/7MQDhaH #affiliate
- Fatherloss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Deaths of Their Dads (Chethik, 2001). Available here: https://a.co/d/61eV74o
Road Trip and Recipe of the Week: Virginia
This week we travel to Virginia, where were learn it is home to the oldest legislative body in the Western Hemisphere, which was established in 1619. The Second Virginia Convention met in March, 1775 at Richmond in St. John’s Church. Delegate Patrick Henry presented resolutions to raise and establish a militia, and to put Virginia in a posture of defense. We shared the beginning and end of his famous speech in this episode.
While we’re in Richmond, why not have the beloved pimento cheese? Arguably, the gold standard in Richmond comes from Chef Jason Alley, which he once presented at his Comfort and Pasture restaurants. His recipe calls for sharp cheddar cheese, roasted red bell peppers and Virginia-favorite Duke’s mayonnaise, seasoned with shallots, tarragon, Worcestershire, black pepper and hot sauce. You can get the Richmond recipe at Wine Enthusiast.
https://blog.feedspot.com/palliative_care_podcasts/
Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More
