Why it Hits Out of Nowhere, Why it’s Normal, and What Can Help
You would think that after five years, grief should get easier. But then it hits you—out of nowhere—like it just happened. And you wonder, “Why am I still like this?” Nothing is wrong with you. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline.
In this episode, we’re talking about what can help you with your grief after 5 years. What you’re feeling is not only normal…it’s part of loving someone who’s gone from your life.
In this Episode:
- 00:00 – Intro – The 5th Year of Grieving
- 02:00 – A Precocious Spring, the Bane of a Gardener/Winter Crafter
- 04:33 – Jaws is one of UK’s Favorite Funeral Songs – See What Else Tops the Charts
- 07:55 – 5 years since the COVID Pandemic Deaths, Long Term Grief
- 08:42 – On the 5th Year of Grieving…Lessons that Most Helped – Kristie, The After Glow blog
- 13:14 – Charlie’s Death Cafe Experience, Memories of His Son
- 15:51 – “A Meeting” – Poem by Wendell Barry
- 16:30 – Outro, “Every Day is a Gift”
Navigating the Fifth Year of Loss: Why the Waves Still Hit
It is a common misconception that time is a simple eraser for heartache. By the fifth year, you might expect your journey with grief to be behind you, yet the pain often resurfaces when you least expect it—feeling as fresh and sharp as the day it began. When you find yourself asking, “Why am I still like this?” please remember that your experience isn’t a sign of regression; it is a testament to the depth of the bond you still carry.
Grief does not follow a linear timeline or a set of rules. In this stage of the journey, the goal isn’t to “get over” the loss, but to learn how to carry it differently. Whether it’s finding clarity through physical activity like a daily walk, or simply allowing yourself the grace to cry when the waves hit, being kind to yourself is your most important tool. You aren’t doing it wrong—you are simply continuing the quiet, lifelong conversation between your heart and the memory of those you’ve lost.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to still be grieving after 5 years? Yes. Grief is a reflection of love and does not have an expiration date. While the intensity may change, the absence of a loved one is something you continue to integrate into your life over time.
Why does grief feel fresh again suddenly? Grief can be triggered by milestones, scents, or even a shift in the seasons. These “grief bursts” are a natural part of the healing process and don’t mean you haven’t made progress.
What can I do when waves of grief hit out of nowhere? The best approach is to lean into the feeling rather than fighting it. Express your emotions through writing or talking, practice self-compassion, and try gentle physical activity to help ground yourself.
Should I seek professional help for grief-related anxiety? While anxiety is a common companion to loss, if it begins to interfere with your ability to function in daily life, reaching out to a healthcare professional or a grief counselor can provide you with additional support and coping strategies. (S4E39: Traumatic Grief: What it is and How to Find a Therapist to Help Manage It)
Related Episodes about Grief Over Time:
- S3E20: Riding the Wave: Navigating the Second Year of Grief
- S5E35: Growth and Remembrance: What to Expect Your Third Year of Grief
- What’s in Your Library? Building Grounding Resources through a Practice of Mindfulness
- S6E24: Grounding Techniques “Life Hack”: Your Secret Skill for Surviving the Bad Days
- S4E18: How to Exorcise Depression and Anxiety with Exercise
- All Grief Content
Recipe of the Week:
Sweet, Salty, Spicy Party Nuts Recipe
References:
- ‘Jaws’ movie theme named this year’s most unusual funeral music choice – Classic FM
- “A Meeting” by Wendell Berry
- Kristie’s Blog: The After Glow (Facebook) | “On the 5th year of grieving…These are the lessons that most helped me:”
Resources:
- From Vera Lynn to Vengaboys: The UK’s top funeral songs from the last 12 months revealed – Co-op
- ‘Jaws’ Shark Theme LIVE – John Williams
- Wendell Berry | The Poetry Foundation
- 17 Best Wendell Berry Poems You Won’t Be Able to Put Down – BayArt
https://blog.feedspot.com/palliative_care_podcasts/
Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More
