Why “What Do You Need from Me?” Should be Among the First Things We Say
When someone with serious illness needs to make a decision about treatment, is facing the end of their life, or grieving the death of a loved one, it’s easy to feel like you just don’t know what to say. Learn conversational tools to help them more effectively.
In this Episode:
- 04:23 – Iowa Road Trip and Recipe of the Week
- 06:44 – “Get a Life, A Real Life” – Excerpt by Anna Quindlen
- 09:15 – How to See, Hear and Understand in Our Relationships
- 17:21 – Honoring the Life of Hurricane, the most decorated K-9 officer in US history
- 19:23 – Outro
Be an Active Listener
We want to help the people we are talking with to feel valued, supported and feel secure that allows them to feel emotionally closer to us. When we show genuine concern about what they are struggling with, we are showing respect and kindness and demonstrate that they can trust us.
Don’t Jump to What We Would Want In Their Shoes
You may feel like you know what solution the situation demands, offer it, and then wonder why they have stopped talking to you. The truth is, we don’t know what a person wants, and sometimes they don’t know themselves…unless you ask them.
Good communication is about listening,
understanding, and responding in a considerate and respectful manner.
Related Podcasts:
- S3E18: What to Say to People Who are Grieving
- How Do You Comfort a Dying Loved One?
- S4E5: How to Write a Condolence Note
- S4E1: How to Share the News of a Death with Someone who has Dementia
- S5E6: Mothers and Their Daughters, A Blessing and a Curse
- S3E1: What you can do to help a grieving pet
- S5E3: Grief Groceries – Care Packages for the Bereaved
- S3E14: 15 Ways to Help a Grieving Child
- S1E19: Helping children with loss of a grandparent – with Tracy Harding
Hurricane, the most decorated K-9 officer in US history
Hurricane passed away at the age of 16 (112 in dog years!) after a distinguished career and famously defending the Obama family from an attack. He and his handler also founded Hurricane’s Heroes, to support the medical costs of retired military working dogs.
References:
- Great Native American Chiefs | Ma-ka-tai-me-she-kia-kiak (aka Black Hawk) · Online Exhibits
- 102 Interesting Facts About Iowa – The Fact File
- Hurricane, decorated Secret Service dog who guarded White House, dies – The Washington Post
- Hoorah Vs. Oorah Vs. Hooah Vs. Hooyah: What’s The Difference?
Resources
- What Do You Want From Me? | Psychology Today
- What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say | Psychology Today
- What To Keep in Mind When Asking for Help
- The Best (and Worst) Ways to Support a Friend with Cancer | Northwestern Medicine
- Anna Quindlen. 2000. A Short Guide to a Happy Life”, Available here: https://a.co/d/83et18B
Recipe of the Week: Ham Balls
Our road trip takes us to Iowa, where ham balls reign supreme as a culinary treat. Learn how to make it from This Iowa Girl and serve it up with a side of mac and cheese!
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Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More