Withdrawal of the very people you expect to support you in the cancer journey can sting…learn how to survive and also how to better support a friend with cancer.
In this Episode:
- 02:22 – Road Trip to Delaware – Underground Railroad and Shoofly Pie
- 04:51 – Cancer Ghosting – What it is, how to ease the hurt, and how to support someone with a cancer diagnosis
- 15:57 – “Remember Me” by Margaret Mead
- 17:44 – Outro
What is Cancer Ghosting?
Cancer ghosting can be defined as friends, family members, colleagues, or spouses behave like a ghost and fade away, often without a discussion, after you have been diagnosed with cancer. People who have had this happen often say that ghosting was one of the most painful parts of their cancer experience.
You would think that when someone receives a cancer diagnosis that their family and friends would rally around them and support them through the cancer treatment. But that is not always the case. People living with cancer report feeling unprepared for how the disease – and people’s reactions to it – altered their relationships, undermined their self-worth, left them feeling incredibly alone and that the problem was unique to them.
How Can Someone Recover from the Loneliness of Ghosting?
Joining a support group is one of the best ways – just connecting with others, many of whom have had the exact same experience.
How Can I Support Someone with a Cancer Diagnosis?
Now that you know about ghosting and its impact, it’s not too late to reconnect if you find you’ve drifted away.
A cancer diagnosis for a loved one can cause a lot of feelings, and often triggers realization of our own mortality. Sometimes it is easier to withdraw than to confront these feelings. Please listen to our many podcasts about the subject such as Why Do We Fear Death? and Why Say That Everyone Dies?
We also talked in the past about grief groceries, which are just as valuable support to those with little energy fighting cancer. Send a text (or snail mail!) instead of calling if you are worried about waking them up or bothering them. Just a few words of encouragement can make a friend’s day! See this link for some other ideas.
Related Episodes:
References:
- Pathways to Freedom: The Role of the Underground Railroad in Delaware’s History – United Way of Delaware
- Delicious Discoveries: What Food is Delaware Known For? – EasyHealthyFoods
- Margaret Mead – Poet Margaret Mead Poems
- What Is ‘Cancer Ghosting’? Here’s How To Deal With It
- ‘Cancer Ghosting’ May Add Another Layer of Emotional Burden for Patients | Oncology Nursing Society
- ‘Cancer Ghosting’ Is an Unfortunate Reality
Resources
- CancerCare Online Support Groups
- How to Be a Friend to Someone With Cancer – American Cancer Society
- ‘Cancer Ghosting’ Is an Unfortunate Reality
- ‘Cancer Ghosting’: When Friends Can’t Deal with a Diagnosis- SurvivorNet
“Remember Me” by Margaret Mead
This poem is popular in funerals and reminds us as long as we keep the memory of loved ones alive, they will still live on.
Remember Me - Margaret Mead
To the living, I am gone,
To the sorrowful, I will never return,
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot speak, but I can listen.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore gazing at a beautiful sea,
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity,
Remember me.
Remember me in your heart:
Your thoughts, and your memories,
Of the times we loved,
The times we cried,
The times we fought,
The times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never have gone.
Road Trip to Delaware
In Delaware we learned about its role in the Underground Railroad and a Pennsylvania Dutch Shoofly Pie recipe with gooey molasses layer topped with crumbles. Sound scrumptious? Head to Classic Fork for the recipe.
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Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More
