If we acknowledge death rather than ignore it we render it less powerful.
There is a story about a horse on the dining room table that is a parable about how death is known but ignored and not talked about. But ignoring death, the inevitability of death, does not make death go away. It does not make it any less real or relevant in our lives. “You cannot make magic to have the horse disappear, but you can speak of the horse and thereby render it less powerful.”
Death – the horse – can be present with a devastating diagnosis, news that nearing the end of life, or simply hanging over us and our loved ones as a fear our entire lives. Wouldn’t it really be better to acknowledge the horse, call it death, accept it, and live with it so that we can get on with the task of living fully, gratefully, and joyfully? Learning about death and facing it removes its teeth and gives others the freedom to talk about it too. Listen to this story by Dr. Richard Kalish (1985) that contrasts the awkwardness of denial to the freedom of acceptance.
Reference:
- Richard A. Kalish (1998) The Horse on the Dining-Room Table*, Journal of Family Studies, 4:2, 139-141, DOI: 10.1080/13229400.1998.11003788
Related Podcasts to this Episode:
- Why Say That Everyone Dies?
- S1E20: The Five Invitations – Part 1
- S1E22: The Five Invitations – Part 2
- S1E24: The Five Invitations – Part 3
Appreciate the Preciousness of Life
Pema Chödrön, writes about an old Buddhist story in her book, The Wisdom of No Escape: How to Love Yourself and Your World. Listen as Charlie shares it:
“There is a story of a woman running away from tigers. She runs and runs, and the tigers are getting closer and closer. When she comes to the edge of a cliff, she sees some vines there, so she climbs down and holds on to the vines. Looking down, she sees that there are tigers below her as well. She then notices that a mouse is gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging.
She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to her, growing out of a clump of grass. She looks up and she looks down. She looks at the mouse. Then she just takes a strawberry, puts it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly.
Tigers above, tigers below. This is actually the predicament that we are always in, in terms of our birth and death. Each moment is just what it is. It might be the only moment of our life; it might be the only strawberry we’ll ever eat. We could get depressed about it, or we could finally appreciate it and delight in the preciousness of every single moment of our life.”
Recipe of the Week
In the spirit of enjoying strawberries in the midst of tigers, we have a special summer treat of strawberry lemonade bars. A lovely marriage of sweetness and tartness makes this summer favorite something you’ll long for the whole year. The recipe is so simple, and you can get it on the funeral lunch table in less than an hour.
Imagine a strawberry pie combines with a lemon bar. That’s what you get with this dessert. The strawberry lemon custard makes a good match with the shortbread crust. Then, a sprinkle of powdered sugar adds a touch of beauty to this lovely treat. Freeze them for a special summer treat! Head over to Grandbaby Cakes for instructions!
Music to Wake the Dead
We are honored to feature artist Neil M. Noble, a Washington, D. C. native who now lives in the Baltimore area. He is also an adjunct professor who teaches construction-related courses in the Baltimore area. He and his wife enjoy traveling and spending time with family, friends, and their dog.
Neil writes that “both songs deeply reflect my thoughts, feelings, and emotions about my father and mother. These are very much applicable to other loved ones.”
A Limb Has Fallen
A limb has fallen from the family tree
I’m hearing a voice that says, “Grieve not for me.”
Remember the best times, the laughter, the song
The good life lived while I was strong
Chorus
Safe home to the ones who left you behind
Safe home from the ones who you left behind
Safe home to the ones who you miss too
Safe home from the ones who will miss you.
Continue my heritage, I’m counting on you
Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through
My mind is at ease, my soul is at rest
Remembering all, how I truly was blessed
Continue traditions, no matter how small
Go on with your life, don’t worry about falls
I miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin
Until the day comes we’re together again.
NMN©2021
Remember Me Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die; Please just remember me now and then, See a bit of me in another citizen. I’m the silky sunlight on the ripened grain, I’m the ever-gentle autumn rain; I’m the soft star that shines at night, I’m the welcome breeze that lifts your kite. Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep; I am the four winds; the four winds that blow, Across the seven seas that ebb and flow. I’m the glee and sparkle in the laugh of a child, Thru tears, hurt and pain, I am the smile; I’m the sunrise of a new day’s dawn, I’m the fond remembrance of the sunset’s yawn. Please just remember me now and then, See a bit of me in another citizen; Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die. NMN ©1990
You can find Neil Noble at www.neilnoble.net, where he also shares poems and has a link to his book. His music can be purchased at: www.Distrokid.com.
https://blog.feedspot.com/palliative_care_podcasts/
As a songwriter, ‘Everyone Dies’ is inviting you to showcase your original work on an upcoming podcast.
There are many wonderful songs that could be played at a funeral. We also know there are songs that could be played, but are cringeworthy (e.g. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead; Another One Bites the Dust; Ring of Fire, etc.).
We are inviting you to send us a recording of two of your original songs (i.e. that could be played at a funeral, one that is appropriate, one that is likely not) to be included in the third half of the ‘Everyone Dies’ podcast. We will include as many artists over the next year (maybe longer if we are enjoying the segment) as possible.
What we need:
Go to this link, fill out the form and submit it along with your two original songs in .wav or .mp3 format (i.e. two original songs that could be played at a funeral, one that is appropriate, one that is likely not). We will screen them and let you know what week your work will be included. We will include all your information in our show notes so people can purchase your recordings.
Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More
Make a Tax-Deductible Donation Here:
Subscribe & Hit That Bell So You Don’t Miss a Podcast!
https://blog.feedspot.com/palliative_care_podcasts/
As a songwriter, ‘Everyone Dies’ is inviting you to showcase your original work on an upcoming podcast.
There are many wonderful songs that could be played at a funeral. We also know there are songs that could be played, but are cringeworthy (e.g. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead; Another One Bites the Dust; Ring of Fire, etc.).
We are inviting you to send us a recording of two of your original songs (i.e. that could be played at a funeral, one that is appropriate, one that is likely not) to be included in the third half of the ‘Everyone Dies’ podcast. We will include as many artists over the next year (maybe longer if we are enjoying the segment) as possible.
What we need:
Go to this link, fill out the form and submit it along with your two original songs in .wav or .mp3 format (i.e. two original songs that could be played at a funeral, one that is appropriate, one that is likely not). We will screen them and let you know what week your work will be included. We will include all your information in our show notes so people can purchase your recordings.
Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More
Make a Tax-Deductible Donation Here:
Subscribe & Hit That Bell So You Don’t Miss a Podcast!
https://blog.feedspot.com/palliative_care_podcasts/
As a songwriter, ‘Everyone Dies’ is inviting you to showcase your original work on an upcoming podcast.
There are many wonderful songs that could be played at a funeral. We also know there are songs that could be played, but are cringeworthy (e.g. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead; Another One Bites the Dust; Ring of Fire, etc.).
We are inviting you to send us a recording of two of your original songs (i.e. that could be played at a funeral, one that is appropriate, one that is likely not) to be included in the third half of the ‘Everyone Dies’ podcast. We will include as many artists over the next year (maybe longer if we are enjoying the segment) as possible.
What we need:
Go to this link, fill out the form and submit it along with your two original songs in .wav or .mp3 format (i.e. two original songs that could be played at a funeral, one that is appropriate, one that is likely not). We will screen them and let you know what week your work will be included. We will include all your information in our show notes so people can purchase your recordings.
Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More
