Charlie shares his thoughts on the Anniversary of His Son’s Death
Traumatic grief is grief and mourning over a death that came about in traumatic circumstances (e.g. sudden, suicide, murder). This week Charlie talks about the murder of his 21-year-old son which occurred outside a bodega in New York City, five years ago. This heartbreaking story brings into focus the value of advance care planning, organ donation, and the ongoing pain that comes with the death of a child.
In this Episode:
- 01:31 – Road Trip: New Hampshire and the Origin of “Live Free or Die”
- 03:24 – Poutine, Canada’s version of smothered fries
- 05:18 – Grieving a Murdered Son: Charlie’s Personal Story
- 13:33 – Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven”
- 15:26 – Outro
Decisions in the ICU
As Charlie shared, his son was clinically dead shortly after the bullet passed through his brain, kept alive by machines. Michael listened to his father’s advice and signed up as an organ donor at the DMV, which saved the family from a lot of conflict about his wishes. Because of this, Michael gave life to a gravely-ill 20-year old, among other organs that were harvested.
As Charlie highlighted, it is never to early to have an advance directive in place. As Michael’s situation showed, if loved ones disagree, you may be left in a state you would never desire unless your wishes are legally documented.
Traumatic Grief
Charlie courageously shared the grief he had at many levels, from the shock and injustice of the murder – especially for a promising young nurse-to-be – to the difficult choice to turn off the equipment keeping Michael alive. Charlie had to cope with feelings that he “killed” his son for years, even though his son would have never wanted to be kept alive in a vegetative state.
We have had several discussions about grief, and traumatic grief is especially difficult to heal from. Please visit the many podcasts we have about grief, traumatic grief, and how to navigate the loss. See the related content below.
Related Content:
- S1E11: Grief
- S1E12: Traumatic Grief
- S4E39: Traumatic Grief: What it is and How to Find a Therapist to Help Manage It
- S3E38: Navigating Grief and Healing from Loss – with Dr. Ken Doka
- S1E52: Coping with a Child’s Death
- S1E28: Organ Donation
- S1E09: Advance Directives
- Advance Directives – a firsthand account
- S1E41: When someone you love dies from an overdose
Tears in Heaven
Eric Clapton wrote “Tears in Heaven” in 1992, one year after the death of his 4-year-old son. On March 20, 1991, his son fell from the window of the 53rd-floor New York apartment of his mother’s friend, on March 20, 1991. Clapton, who arrived at the apartment shortly after the accident, was visibly distraught for months afterwards. This song is one of Clapton’s most successful, reaching #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart in the U.S.
Road Trip to New Hampshire
This week we visit New Hampshire, and discuss the origin of the motto “Live Free or Die.” We also stop to get Poutine, a Canadian classic with fries, topped with melty cheese curds, and smothered in a rich beef gravy. Get the recipe here at Two Kooks in the Kitchen.
References:
- “Live Free or Die” | The Story of the New Hampshire Motto https://newengland.com/yankee/history/live-free-or-die-new-hampshire-motto/
Resources:
- What Do the Lyrics to Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven” Mean? https://americansongwriter.com/what-do-the-lyrics-to-eric-claptons-tears-in-heaven-mean/
https://blog.feedspot.com/palliative_care_podcasts/
Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal!
Everyone Dies (and yes, it is normal) is a story about a young boy named Jax who finds something special on the beach where he and his grandpa Pops are enjoying a wonderful day. Pops helps Jax understand that death is a normal part of life. This book provides an age appropriate, non-scary, comfortable way to introduce the important topic of mortality to a preschool child. Its simple explanation will last a lifetime. Autographed copies for sale at: www.everyonediesthebook.com. Also available at Amazon
Mourning Jewelry
We offer a way to memorialize your loved one or treasured pet with a piece of handmade jewelry. When people comment on it and the wearer can say for example “I received this when my mother died” which opens the conversation about this loss. All our jewelry is made with semi-precious stones and beads, vintage beads, and pearls. You can choose between earrings or bracelets and the color family. Learn More
